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Korin wishes she were a success story.
Korin dreams of waking up pregnant.
Korin sometimes wishes ruby were still nursing.
Korin hopes you know how lucky you are.
Korin can't take another pregnancy announcement.
Korin is not enjoying this new trip down bitter lane.
Korin will return to referring to max and shoghi as ruby's faux bros. It may be all she gets.
Korin wishes she could just be happy with an only child.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


I'm in folks. However I have 3 blogs so I can post anywhere.
Yesterday was at www.mamazen.typepad.com/rubyviolet
Today at www.mamazen.typepad.com

I have a lot to say here too. :) some may be filtered. Lol.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


Today was our fertility clinics 20th anniversary family picnic, a catered event at the zoo.  We arrived about 45 mins after it started, and were somewhat surprised by the turnout. Why? I don't know. They've been doing infertility medicine for 20 years, and IVF for 10. They've helped a LOT of families become... families. We filled our plates with burgers and salads and sat down to nosh and enjoy the festivities. After lunch, we did a photo op with our doc, and then watched the short presentation.  
It was overwhelming standing there with my science experiment / miracle child on my shoulders watching all of these families, realizing that we are not alone.  We wandered around the zoo for a few hours enjoying the animals and cool weather and I noticed every other family we saw had the purple wristbands we'd been given to get us into the event. Sometimes we would exchange nods, or slight smiles or knowing glances at each other's wristbands. I've encountered many people who have suffered through and survived the rollercoaster and mind fuck that is infertility, but it's another thing altogether to see so many of us in one place, identified so clearly, no shame, no guilt, just pride in the success. At points I was almost brought to tears by the sheer intensity of it all. 
When you're in the thick of it, injecting yourself with hormones, showing up at the crack of dawn for a cooter cam visit or waiting impatiently for the phone to ring with the results of your latest cycle... you feel incredibly alone. When you're examining the bruises on your belly or backside, scheduling your next cycle start or, staring down the first show of blood that signals the failure of another cycle, you feel intimately alone. When you're wandering through the mall watching all of the other happy families or envying the burgeoning bellies you see everywhere, you feel sadly, terribly, deeply alone.

But today I was reminded that I am not. And I have a wrist band to prove it. 


 Somedays I'm the toughest girl I know. 

 Fairy tales are more than true: not because
they tell us that dragons exist, but because
they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
                                     --G.K Chesterson


AMEN! Change is on the horizon. Hope is alive and it lives in the hearts of many Americans.
I'm proud of what the people of this country have chosen. I'm proud of the choice i made. Barack Obama has inspired many (myself included) that there has never been anything false about hope.

I thought I would have a lot to say on this, but I'm tired, and just glad it was such a huge lead, so that McCain was able to gracefully concede (which he did, and i really respect him for the speech he gave).

Now it's time for them to stand up and deliver.

I'm not a cynic, am I?

the last week in review

1. came home from san fran wedding to find C and boys were sick all weekend.
2. Sitter called in sick so I took ruby to work with me on monday
3. Monday afternoon ruby started getting snotty and crabby
4. Ruby is sick. skip gym class on tuesday to stay home and watch tv and snuggle
5. Cancel weds pts cause ruby is sick and i have to take her with me.
6. Weds afternoon start feeling like shit.
7. thursday, sick. fun. sick with sick kid, and sick wife and babies.
8. Friday start feeling better, kid still snotty and coughing, slightly croupy. good times
9. Skipped halloween fun since everyone is still recovering, but enjoy quiet night since kid has stopped napping and goes to bed early.
10. Sunday night, at bedtime, child starts crying uncontrollably, then vomits all over bed, only to spend the next 7 hours crying and writhing in pain every 15-30 mins. Finally at 3 am, I give her motrin and we both pass out... only to get up at 6:30. fucking time change can eat my ass. Locusts descend upon house.
11. Monday (yesterday) sitter calls in sick again, back up is called in. Child has 102.5 fever, and apparently an ear infection that has caused a ruptured tympanic membrane.
12. see a few patients while child naps in front of tv, then spend afternoon snuggling and making cookies.
13. Starts raining frogs after bedtime, when the basement is flooded.
14. husband spends hours sucking up water and trying to save v. expensive basement investment. so far it looks like only the carpet is affected.
15. wake up after 3 hours of sleep to still wet carpet, child still having low grade fever and a full day of having to be a human ahead of me.

if Obama doesn't win, I quit.
Hard drive died. sad sad me. have back up. have apple care. will be fixed. for now. am stealing other laptops when people sleep.
lots of things going on. now working frm home. babies are here, family is chaotic but surviving.
Time to do dishes.
will update when computer lives again.

I choose to believe...

Lately I've been a ball of stress, exhausted, annoyed and irritated. I've felt frustrated by my lack of getting anything done, and feel like I'm constantly doing something. I've had the deep desire to CRY. I found myself seeking out sad songs, sad videos, sad blogs just to illicit the tears that would cleanse me for a moment so that I could get back to work.


I am thankful I have pictures, even if they're not good quality. The one with her clenched fist -- which is a sign of seizure, although I choose to forget that when I look at it -- is my favorite. I choose to believe she's fighting.

I choose to believe she's fighting. This simple sentence brought me to my knees (literally) and gave me the heaving sobs I needed. And after I felt the release of a good cry, I cried some more for the mother who wrote it. I felt thankful for the blessings I have and the tender mercies that have been granted to me. I dropped my snack and ran up the stairs to wrap myself silently around my sleeping toddler and to kiss her fingers and ears. I finished unloading the groceries and decided i needed to go up to the hospital and hold the twins.

I choose to believe that we can take what we have been given and become stronger, or we can be crushed under the weight of it. I choose to believe that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% what you make of it. I choose to believe you surround yourself with the right people at the right time. I choose to believe she's fighting.

fun meme

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake